`I have been away from the blog for quite some time. I had so many plans for when I decided to come back. Lately I have just not been in the blogging mood. There is a reason for that. I am pregnant, I am due March 21st. I just was super tired and exhausted and didn’t feel like doing anything extra. If you have read this much I would ask that you read the complete blog to find out what has been going on. It will be a bit long so I hope you all make it to the end,
When I found out I was not happy, it is the truth. The reason behind this is because we had decided we didn’t want anymore kids plus all these other obstacles we are facing. If you have read my blog before I explained why we didn’t want anymore children here. I eventually changed my mind and said I would like to have another child in a few years depending on our situation and where we were in life. I was not happy when I found out because we are still living with my mom because of obstacles that happened multiple time throughout the last two years. From me losing my job, Sam loosing his job, losing a vehicle because we couldn’t keep up with the payments. It was just one thing after another. The I found out I was pregnant this time we were just starting to look for a place of our own. We had some money put away and were continuing so when we found a place we could pay for it. I wanted to feel more stable bringing another child into this world & I just didn’t feel that way. I knew in my heart though that I could not terminate and realized that we have been doing good and that we would make it work. I got a part time job where I only have to work a few days out the month and it is extra income that would definitely be able to use to pay smaller bills I have. So I had faith that things would work out. We are still at my moms house and hadn’t planned to announce until we had moved and were on our own.
September 12,2017 changed all that. I was able to get to the doctor this time around during my first trimester and was asked if I wanted to have the First Trimester Screen. Sam and I decided that I should have it done. I went to my appointment alone because Sam had to go to work and I thought all I was getting was some blood work done. I was getting blood work done as well as an ultrasound. So I was excited because I didn’t know that I would be getting to see my baby. They did the ultrasound first and was told to wait for the physician to come speak with me about the results. I was waiting just like normal and when she came in I had no idea what I would hear would change everything.
I was told that my babies heart, intestines and organs were growing outside the body. The baby also had fluid behind the neck more than what the normal amount is. That is usually connected with Down syndrome, Trisomy 13,18, & 21, and some other chromosome syndromes as well as possible heart problems. I was in shock and devastated, I was crying so bad that I couldn’t even talk. When the physician was done talking she told me I would be waiting for the genetic counselor to go over any questions I had. I immediately started googling and things were definitely not what I wanted to see, but there were some stories that gave me some hope.
I called Sam and told him and he came home as fast as he was able to. Thank goodness for that. I was able to talk to the genetic counselor more about these 3 things & got the information that I needed from her. Once I was done talking with her they drew my blood like they were suppose to and I was on my way home. Worse drive I have ever had especially since I was by myself. The worse thing is that my mom had no idea that I was pregnant and I had to come home and tell her this news. She was supportive and has been since, which I am thankful for. I feel like I knew what I wanted immediately which was to give this baby a chance. Once Sam and I talked we talked about all those other options. How this would affect our family, our kids, our relationship. I can definitely understand all sides of it but I knew I needed more answers and information about it all. I was not ready to just give everything up. I felt really bad that day because as a mother you think of all the things you should have done better, what did I do wrong, It is the hardest thing to do and know that I had nothing to do with what happened, it just happens sometimes. I received my blood work in about a week and the waiting was so suspenseful. My results all came back negative for chromosomes abnormalities and all the other things that they tested for. I was also able to find out that we were having another BABY BOY! These results gave me some relief even though I know it is not a full 100%. I was referred to a fetal center and was able to get my appointment pretty quickly, but still felt like such a long time.
September 28, 2017 I had my appointment at the fetal center, they were going to do another ultrasound but more intense and I would then talk to more doctors and another genetic counselor. Once my ultrasound was done I was able to speak with two doctors, one explained to me that what I was told from my first ultrasound wasn’t exactly what they thought. The heart was not on the outside and was still inside but pulled down a bit by the omphalocele & it is actually a Giant Omphalocele. The fluid is diagnosed as Cystic Hygroma. The cystic hygroma is the thing to be worried about because they don’t know why it is there or what caused it. The two main things that could cause it is something chromosomal or genetic. So I have an appointment for an amniocentesis set up for next week.
We have decided that are going to continue this journey. I have faith and believe in prayer. I know that miracles happen and can happen. I also know that there are other outcomes and know that God has a plan. For those that know me may know I don’t attend a church, but I know for myself that I believe in God and know he is real and that I have a relationship with him. We have also decided to name our baby Kai, in some origins it means strong & warrior. I believe the name definitely fits and I believe that he will be strong and be fighter. Sam had a dream about it I loved it so that is what we decided on. If you are friends and family I hope that you don’t get hurt by this because your finding out this way but I also hope you understand this isn’t easy & that this was an outlet for me to be able to get all the information to you all. The only thing was ask from you is a prayer for our family if you happen to pray. I am doing okay as of now, I have two other children that I have to care for and spouse as well. That is what keeps me going.
I am throwing myself back into my blogging, Beautycounter business, and social media posting because I feel like if I stay busy it will help me. If you are going through this or have gone through this know you are not alone and you can reach out to me. I know our journey is just beginning but it is nice to have someone else to talk to. Thank you all for reading this far and I will continue to update as often as I can.